Starting over.

I stopped writing in here for awhile. Mostly because I feel like when I write things down somewhere, and its saved, it becomes a definitive truth. There are a lot of things that have happened in the past few months that I wish were not real, but...
I suppose it is time to start over, and begin anew and with that...I have something Id like to say.

This blog is not meant to entertain other people. I am not writing to impress someone with witty comments, or make you angry, or even with the intention of this really being read by anyone in particular. If and when I choose to write in here, its because I have something on my mind I feel like writing down, and as I'm on a computer a lot, it is convenient. If what you are reading is boring, or lame, or seems overly whiney or whatever to you, then stop reading it. No one is forcing you. No one is judging your thoughts, so why judge mine? What satisfaction does that really get you?

I'm moving to Boston this summer, and hopefully if I can find a real job, make it a permanent move for awhile. I have always enjoyed Boston; its a young city that is fun and exciting, but doesn't tire me out quite like NYC does. I need out of NY... new memories, new people, new place with no attachments to anything. and then, maybe I'll be ready to come back and take on NYC. I've recently come to the conclusion that I would like to work for the marketing/public relations team for a dance company. I'm not sure why this didnt occur to me sooner, but whatever. I'm hoping this internship with the Boston Ballet works out, and I will be able to use it to my advantage to get a real job somewhere involved with the arts. I dont really want to sell my soul to some advertising company to just push pointless products at people. I really believe in the Arts. Hell, if I hadnt been able to dance and choreograph this semester...I really think I would have lost it completely. I dont understand why people cant appreciate them, and give them the same respect and credit they give the natural sciences. I think learning to express yourself through an art is JUST as important as learning calculus. I cant imagine the world without photographs and paintings and dancing and music. It would be miserable and bleak. So for my future life, I hope to support that which I love, and maybe be able to make a small difference in that world.

I'd like to believe that everything happens for a reason still...and karma...but its getting hard. It is hard to figure out why people choose to enter or leave your life and how they go about doing it. How after any length of time, people can suddenly show an entirely different side of themselves, good or bad, and you are left questioning your judgement in character and questioning yourself. What was it that changed enough along the way to create this particular mess? I've had it happen to me far more times then I would like, seeing a person in one way and them proving themselves to be entirely different. What is that stupid saying...character is who you are when no one is looking? hm.