Overwhelmed.

Im feeling overwhelmed with my life.
Its getting to the time when a year ago, I was getting ready to graduate college and trying to decide what it was that I wanted to do with my life. At the time it was, do I move to Rome and be an au pair for 6 months? Or do I move to Boston with Sarah and attempt to find a job/start a life there?

I find myself in almost the exact same position right now, and its slightly disconcerting.

Im currently in the process of applying to teach english to little pre-schoolers english in Italy/possibly do some video editing and marketing for the company it would be either 6 months to a year of my life, living abroad, studying italian, living that dream out that I've thought of/talked about for so long. I'm also looking for another "real life" job, along with the photography thing that I'm doing. Which is the right choice?
I feel as tho I have had so many conversations with friends about "fate" and "destiny" and how "everything happens for a reason" lately, that the concepts are becoming stuck in my head, on repeat. My background thoughts have become one large philosophical mantra of "Is this right? Are you on the right path? What does this mean?"
The timing of my life tends to be....tends to feel....very off most of the time. with so many things. But maybe thats how its supposed to be. But then, how do you even know? What if it feels off because it actually is, and Im supposed to be doing something entirely different with my life but I messed up somewhere along the way and now need to find my way back? How the hell are you supposed to figure these things out?!? How is it that the one guy I've felt anything for in so long is leaving for the other side of the country in two weeks? Why is it that I am on the verge of signing a year lease to live in the perfect house with my best friends in Boston, yet I'm being offered this opportunity to go abroad and live in italy for the same year? Why am I again feeling that...unsatisfied, need to up and leave feeling again, as I watch so many of my Senior friends graduate college and get ready to go about their lives?

I can look at all of this, and in some ways, it seems like I've just moved laterally in the same vein that I was in after graduating. But I have to think about how I have actually grown and achieved a lot in this past year. It's just hard to....I have not much to physically show for it.

too many feelings. too many thoughts.


What if this doesnt put you on the right path? You've stepped off the path, and you need to get back on.